How to identify mental health support that serves you (and quickly spot red flags for what won’t)
Mental health advice abounds, but not all will serve you well. Here are some red flags to watch out for as you filter support that will be meaningful for you.
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As you may have noticed, the internet is buzzing with mental health experts encouraging you to practice gratitude, set boundaries, meditate, and sit with your feelings. How do you sift through the advice and determine what to incorporate into your life?
Spoiler: Focusing on how you incorporate what makes sense for you may be the single best way to discover what’s most helpful.
Our Steadii Advocates compiled a list of red flags to help you filter mental health content and discover what serves you best. Remember, this filtering process allows you to connect with yourself and listen to your intuition which is a valuable step in and of itself.
Red flag 🚩 #1: The advice is one-size-fits-all
For one, valuable mental health advice acknowledges each person's unique mental health journey. Your genetics, upbringing, environment, and life experiences contribute to your journey. Over time, you develop coping mechanisms, resources, and support systems that are unique to you. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to mental health because life is nuanced.
“The value of any advice can only be measured by how well it matches your circumstances and needs.” - Mark Nevins, Why ‘One Size Fits All’ Doesn’t Actually Fit Anyone: A Conversation With Dr. Ankur Saraiya
Red flag example: Everyone should sit silently and meditate for at least 30 minutes daily.
Healthy example: Meditation is an opportunity to become an observer of your thoughts. Look for opportunities where you can simply observe what arises without judgment. Do your best to let your thoughts pass through you freely without entertaining them in greater depth.
If you find yourself going over one thought pattern more, it can be helpful to simply note that as “thinking” to remind your brain that you are practicing observing and releasing. You can revisit this practice anytime, at any location that feels safe.
Red flag 🚩 #2: The advice doesn’t allow space for emotions or promotes toxic positivity
Moreover, solid mental health support makes ample space for emotions. Feelings are a natural part of being human. Emotions communicate important messages to our bodies and minds.
Healthy mental health advice will guide you toward recognizing and feeling all your emotions without judgment. Unhealthy advice will ask you to ignore, cut off, judge, or deny your feelings. Toxic positivity can lead to further isolation and worsening mental health.
Red flag example: Just focus on the good things in your life, and your sadness will disappear!
Healthy example: Sadness is a normal emotional response. Instead of ignoring sadness, let’s explore it more. Give voice to your sadness by noticing it and expressing it in any way that feels safe. Some ideas include journaling, crying, painting, walking, or lying in a patch of grass.
Where do you feel sadness in your body? What does your sadness make you want to do? Is there more your sadness is trying to show you? If you’re comfortable, share what you’ve learned about your sadness with a trusted friend.
Red flag 🚩 #3: The advice encourages you to avoid reality or bypass dealing with difficult things
Furthermore, sitting with and honoring what’s real is essential to psychological health. It’s necessary to face the challenges that life brings you. Working on your mental health is not about avoiding hard things so that you can be happy. It’s about learning to be resilient through any situation life brings you so that your circumstances do not determine your well-being. Advice that allows you to circumvent dealing with a real problem will likely not serve you well.
Red flag example: If a family member hurts your feelings or does something you disagree with, you no longer need that person’s influence. Set a firm boundary and let them know you will not be interacting with them in the future.
Healthy example: Relationships can be complicated. If a family member does something that negatively impacts you, consider skiing them if they would be willing to hear about your experience. If they agree, share your thoughts and feelings openly and listen while they do the same.
If helpful, consider a boundary that protects your peace and allows room for better connection in the future. Instead of saying, “We can’t _,” try saying, “I’m not comfortable with _. If it comes up/happens again, I will_.”
Disclaimer: There are occasions where it is necessary and healthy to set a firm boundary or remove someone’s connection to your life altogether. Please do not try to protect a relationship that puts you or someone you love in danger.
Recognizing the difference between ❤️🩹 uncomfortable and 🚩 unhealthy advice
Considering these red flag examples, you’ll likely notice that a key theme is honoring your uniqueness and the nuance of your circumstances.
Caring for your psychological health will stretch you. If meditating, exploring your emotions, or setting a healthy boundary feels difficult, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. The more you stick with it, the more you will realize the profound and impactful benefits that your mental health practices have in store for you.
Sometimes, it seems more accessible and more comfortable to ignore all mental health strategies and keep moving like you always have. That’s normal. As you peel back the layers, you will likely discover more, which can feel overwhelming. Remember to pace yourself. Psychological health isn’t a race, and there isn’t a finish line.