Navigating opinions and pressures as a caregiver: when other family members weigh in on dementia care
Approach conversations with family members regarding the care of your loved one while honoring your relationships.
Photo by Wynand van Poortvliet on Unsplash
When you step into the primary caregiver role for a loved one with Alzheimer’s, dementia, or another condition, you may also experience others sharing unsolicited opinions and suggestions.
In the best-case scenario, well-meaning siblings, adult children, or other family members and friends have your loved one’s best interest at heart. Even so, there can quickly become too many cooks in the kitchen. Your situation can soon become increasingly complicated with differing opinions and the emotions that can accompany them. You may feel frustrated and powerless around people you hope to experience as helpful.
If you find yourself navigating the opinions and pressures of others, here are a few strategies to help you increase your confidence—and ultimately preserve your relationships.
If you find yourself navigating the opinions and pressures of others, here are a few strategies to help you increase your confidence—and ultimately preserve your relationships.
1. Recognize and validate your role
First, remind yourself that you are the primary caregiver in your loved one’s life. You are at the forefront of their care and know their needs and challenges firsthand. Acknowledge your dedication and the expertise you have developed in managing their specific condition. Remember, you are committed to showing love and providing quality care. If repeating these things out loud to anyone who challenges your expertise helps, then do that.
2. Educate and communicate
Often, family members not directly involved in caregiving may lack a deep understanding of the daily realities and complexities associated with Alzheimer's or dementia care. Education plays a crucial role in bridging this gap.
While educating your family members is not your job, it may help take some pressure off of you. Share articles, books, or documentaries that provide insight into the condition. Include resources you’ve gathered about caregiving and the toll it takes on caregivers. By fostering open and honest communication, you can help others better understand your caregiving journey.
3. Empower others with specific tasks
Family members who offer opinions or suggestions may genuinely want to help but must learn to contribute effectively. One way to address this is by delegating tasks matching their abilities and availability. Assigning responsibilities like meal planning, transportation, or accompanying the loved one to medical appointments can make others feel involved while alleviating some of your burdens. Empowering them with specific tasks creates a unified support system that benefits you and your loved one.
4. Set boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries to protect your well-being and maintain control over the caregiving situation will help everyone involved. Communicate your limitations honestly and assertively to other family members. Let them know what you need: occasional respite time, help with household chores, or emotional support. By setting boundaries, you create a healthier environment for yourself and your loved one, ensuring you can continue providing quality care.
5. Seek professional mediation
Conflicts among family members may sometimes persist despite your best efforts. When opinions and pressures become overwhelming, it can be beneficial to seek professional mediation. A therapist, counselor, or social worker experienced in family dynamics and caregiving can provide an objective perspective and facilitate constructive dialogue. Their guidance can help family members understand your challenges and work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
Ultimately, the stress and strain between a primary caregiver and other family members usually exists because everyone has your loved one’s best interest at heart. Taking steps to protect your own peace of mind and mental health will benefit you, your loved one, and the other family members involved, even if they don’t see it that way at first.
Family and friends can provide an excellent support system, especially when empowered with the right tools. If you want to connect with other caregivers who have a deeper understanding of the day-to-day caregiving experience, join us in the Steadii Caregiver Community. Here, you can chat with other caregivers, find helpful caregiver resources, and even connect with Steadii advocates who can help guide you along your caregiving journey.