Simplifying self-care for caregivers
Self-care. It’s a buzzword we hear all the time. “Just do some self-care.” “Self-care is so important.” “Have you made time for self-care today?!” How many times have we heard this as caregivers? Probably too many to count. And yet, when we care for a loved one with a debilitating disease, it seems impossible to even think about self-care.
Maybe the problem is we don’t have the correct understanding of self-care. Throughout this article, we define self-care and provide some ideas for taking care of yourself that are sustainable and practical amid important and consuming caregiving work.
What is self-care?
When we think of self-care, we might envision long bubble baths, yoga mats stretched out while we pose in pretzel shapes to the sounds of soothing music, or long walks on a serene and empty beachfront. These are lovely—and certainly can be versions of self-care—but are not necessarily attainable for the average person.
Moreover, self-care is more than that. According to the World Health Organization, self-care is “the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” Notice there is no mention of yoga mats or bubble baths.
Essentially, self-care is a long-term and sustainable action that can help us maintain a healthy lifestyle. It’s not a one-time trip around the world or a week at a fancy spa—it's little decisions we can make daily to pay attention to our bodies and nourish our souls.
Why is self-care so hard?
There are many barriers to self-care. One, when caregiving, you give much of yourself to another person. Often, there isn’t much left for you. At the end of the day, many caregivers feel they just want to lay down and go to sleep or tune out in front of the television because they are completely depleted.
Second, we often jam-pack our days to get as much done as possible. If we have a break from work or caregiving, we might do a laundry load or clean the kitchen. We might find ourselves running to the pharmacy or the grocery store. Self-care, according to Dr Kaylee Crockett, a clinical psychologist in the University of Alabama Department of Family and Community Medicine “is sometimes seen as a luxury instead of a need. But self-care is something that everyone needs daily, not just those who may feel stressed.”
Additionally, we often wait until things are really bad before we stop and notice that we need a break. How often do we tell ourselves, “Just keep pushing, just get through today,” thus missing the opportunity to pay attention to what our bodies or our emotions are saying to us?
If we can shift away from thinking of self-care as a luxury that takes a lot of time and energy, it might help us to integrate it more easily into our daily lives.
What are the benefits of self-care?
Self-care can reduce stress and make us healthier. We can be better caregivers if we take care of ourselves first. Just as we must put our own oxygen mask on first on a plane before helping another, we need to prioritize our own needs and well-being to be helpful to others.
You may notice less physical pain, better sleep, less anxiety or panic, and less tension when caring for yourself. Dr. Nathan Brandon, a clinical psychologist based in San Francisco, says that “[Self-care] can provide support and help prevent or manage mental health difficulties. For example, self-care practices such as exercise, relaxation, and mindfulness can help reduce stress levels.”
How can I implement self-care?
Self-care might initially sound daunting, so it's important to take it slow. Start with things you enjoy doing and consider being more intentional about them. If you already find cooking enjoyable, perhaps start listening to a podcast or some music while you do it to enhance the experience. Or, cook a new recipe that you have been wanting to test out. If you like to be outside, try walking around the block. Pick up a rock or a stick and hold it as a physical reminder of your connection to the earth and nature. Self-care doesn’t have to take a long time or be complex, it can be an extension of things you already do.
Here are a few other ideas:
1. Practice five-finger breathing. Trace your fingers as you breathe in and out, breathing in as you move up and breathing out as you move down each finger on your hand.
2. Eat a meal alone. Don’t bring a book or watch something on your phone. Simply sit in the silence and pay attention to the nourishment your body is receiving.
3. Read a short story. It doesn’t have to be a whole novel. Just five minutes of reading a short story or poem can be meaningful.
4. Try free writing. Sit down with a pad and pen and write whatever is in your head. It doesn’t have to make sense or even be legible. Just let it out. Set a time for three minutes and when the timer goes off, set the pen down. You can choose to throw the paper away or keep it.
5. Exercise a spiritual connection or faith tradition if that feels good. Many faith-based services offer livestream options if you can’t attend in person. Try and clear your mind as much as possible while listening or watching. If prayer is important to you, spend a few minutes in conversation with God or a higher power.
6. Take the long way home. If you are out running errands and are driving around, take the scenic route home. It may take a few extra minutes but allow yourself to sit silently or listen to music.
7. Turn off the news. Sometimes the news can be overwhelming. Turning it off and shutting it down for a day can relieve stress.
8. Listen to your favorite song. Don’t do anything else while you listen—just let the music take over for a few minutes.
And perhaps most importantly, know that self-care takes practice and that not getting it right the first time does not mean you can’t do it. It simply means that you’ll try again next time.
If you would like support in making more time for self-care in your life, sign up for Steadii today and get matched with an advocate who can help support you in your caregiving journey.