How caregiving can reveal your strengths
Uncover your unique gifts and aptitudes for caregiving and beyond with some approachable prompts for spotting your strengths.
“We are stronger, gentler, more resilient, and more beautiful than any of us imagine.”
If you have found yourself lost in the weeds of caregiving and unable to clearly see yourself or the bigger picture of what you’re doing well, this is a great time to pause for a strengths check.
As you navigate the uncertain and challenging terrain of caregiving, you may notice feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, and insecurity. It’s easy to be so focused on your loved one that you don’t take time to look at yourself. You may even feel scared to self-reflect for fear that you’ll deem yourself inadequate to the task of caregiving.
Under the strain of the caregiving journey, it’s common to fear the worst about yourself. You may be more inclined to see what you are not doing, or not doing well, right, or enough. On the flip side, it’s easy to miss how amazingly you’re showing up and what you actually have and are getting accomplished in an effective, timely, and even wonderfully touching manner.
Focusing on the good brings out more good
There is growing evidence that identifying positive experiences in providing care can have a beneficial influence on caregiver well-being. With this in mind, there is all the more reason to make space to spot your strengths.
Let’s begin
Pause what you’re doing.
Gather a journal or some paper and something to write with. Jotting down answers to the prompts will help you get the most out of this practice.
Savor a few deep breaths extending the exhale as long as possible.
Gather yourself. Drop your shoulders. Unfurrow your brow. Unclench your jaw.
Explore the three prompts about gifts, aptitudes, and talents you bring forth as a caregiver. Choose one you’d like to use for this practice.
At the end of this article, you’ll learn concrete ways to use your strengths list to help fortify your caregiving.
Three prompts for spotting your strengths
1. Go through your list of daily or weekly responsibilities
With this prompt, consider what you do regularly that you might be taking for granted because it feels normal or even relatively effortless. You might be surprised to discover that the seemingly smallest, most common things you do regularly can reveal where your greatest strengths lie.
For instance, perhaps you cook delicious meals or bake special treats for your loved one. Not everyone does this! Alternatively, you might be a master at organizing bills, appointments, and spreadsheets. Kudos to you for this highly sought-after skill! Perhaps you are gifted at making spaces neat, comfortable, or beautiful. Not everyone has a good sense of space, order, or beauty. Maybe you are fantastic at building rapport with nurses and other support staff. Perhaps you have strengths in communication or relationship building that you have taken for granted.
These are just a few examples. Be sure to look for your own. Remember that strengths can be hidden in the little everyday things you do for others — things that don’t often (or perhaps ever) get praised — but are nevertheless essential to the well-being of your loved ones. Don’t take your particular form of strength for granted simply because it feels easy to you. Honor that you have individual gifts you already show up with weekly. Give yourself some recognition for those gifts. Recognize that not everyone could or would do what you’re doing.
2. Embrace compliments
Take a moment to reflect on this: what do people tend to compliment or thank you for? Do you tend to brush their words aside? Try remembering what people most commonly say, both in and outside the caregiving context. Consider whether you brush aside what you hear or receive it.
Either way, this can reveal patterns showing what you're especially good at and what you might take for granted or overlook in yourself. For example, as a caregiver, do people express appreciation for your calmness in the midst of chaos? Do you get thanked for your dutifulness in running basic errands? Do you dismiss the compliments because you see the errands as a given and tell yourself that anyone would do this? Are you impressed by how you can juggle so many tasks and people simultaneously?
What compliments do you get outside the caregiving context? Do you get praised for completing your assignments punctually or effectively at work? Do you seem to be able to make new friends wherever you go? Are you a great mediator? Are you bold and courageous in a crisis? Do you speak up for those you love? What have others thanked you for? Others can often see us better than we see ourselves.
Next, take it one step further. Set an intention to accept upcoming compliments. It can be helpful to touch your hand to your heart when you recall or hear a new compliment to help you to really breathe it in. Be willing to believe and take to heart what praise others offer to you!
3. Identify emerging strengths
In this third prompt, we examine how caregiving stressors can actually expose and even hone strengths you didn’t previously know you possessed. Perhaps, you’ve started to use your voice in a new, more empowered way as an advocate for your loved one. Maybe you didn’t realize how courageous you are when the chips fall. Maybe you have discovered that you can be compassionately present to people’s darkness and negativity with a patience you never knew you had.
Is there a fun new hobby you enjoy with your loved one? Maybe you’re learning how to be great on the fly! Or, you might have taken on the role of being the faithful keeper of family stories. Take note of the amazing characteristics within you that have shown up in this time of challenge and transition. These are just a few prompts that can help you resource your caregiving by identifying your strengths. Other ideas include noticing what energizes you, what you look forward to doing, and what specific situations you handle well.
Capitalize on your strengths to further strengthen you
Now that you have a better idea of your natural and emerging strengths, use this knowledge to fortify your caregiving journey. With reflection and intentional focus on your strengths and capabilities, you can:
Claim a greater sense of mastery or control over your experiences
Feel more confident and competent
Enhance your well-being
And, ultimately, be a happier person
There are numerous ways you can use your newly discovered or remembered strengths. One is to scatter little reminders about your strengths throughout your daily life. You might use words like compassionate or dutiful. Or consider images, including fun memes, that remind you of your aptitudes. Place them on a bathroom mirror, in your car, or on your phone. Revisit these reminders any time you need some encouragement.
Additionally, you might use your list of strengths strategically. Assess whether you are capitalizing on your strengths in caregiving. You may want to keep doing what you’re naturally good at and delegate as many other tasks as possible. Another idea is to share your strengths with a trusted friend, counselor, or Steadii Advocate who can help you see yourself more clearly and reflect on your gifts.
However you choose to use this process, be forewarned: you may be pleasantly surprised, affirmed, and reassured. You might even realize you’re doing better than you thought and truly have what it takes (because you do)!
Nhien Vuong, J.D., M. Div. is an international Enneagram presenter and the founder of Evolving Enneagram, a community-centered organization whose mission is to transform human ecosystems around the globe using a contemplative approach to the Enneagram. A former Stanford-trained attorney and ordained interspiritual Unity minister, Nhien marries a wealth of insight with deep compassion to support our conscious evolution.